YouTube Junkie

“We toss the coin, but it is the Lord who controls its decision.” (Proverbs 16:33)

Who would have thought that life could change so much in the blink of an eye. I know that sounds like a cliche; it is. I’m not sure what I would have–could have–done differently. I fell while going out to shovel the driveway in anticipation of work the next day. Sure, I could see the ice coating the driveway but, in order to shovel myself out, I had to navigate over it.

Now I’m laid up.

Yesterday I was wallowing in self-pity. The mortgage is behind. I’ve been knocking on every housing assistance door in Connecticut. Mom & I have visited a couple of local food pantries to get by until I’m back to work. I put up a Go Fund Me campaign to see if I can generate help with the bills/mortgage that way. And I am grateful to the friends who have been generous in their support; it is appreciated far more than you can ever imagine. I’m still looking at a hefty mortgage payment in three days that I don’t have adequate funds to pay.

But I’m taking it on faith. Either He will provide the means in time. Or He won’t…because maybe He’s forcing me into a decision I haven’t quite been able to make. I’ve spent the better part of 9 years’ oscillating between selling out and relocating (which might just mean closer to my work in Massachusetts) or finding another part-time income to help supplement…provided I can get back to work next month. My medical leave has been extended another month until the third week of March. Of course, part of that oscillation has been the very honest two years of unemployment, followed by 6 years of underemployment. It’s only been a little over a year that I finally found a full-time position. So, in short, the financial means to relocate hasn’t been here…anymore than the means of providing the most basic cost of living. I was still playing “catch-up” when my accident happened.

Okay…so some of that wallowing factor is still happening here…

And yet, it’s not crippling me completely. I’ve spent the better part of the afternoon knocking on those doors I mentioned earlier, filling out applications, etc. to see if there’s something to help preserve this would-be homestead…either here, or in a new location. We have to allow for processing time though. So…

…in the meantime…

When I’m not writing, working on my novel, I’ve become a bit of a YouTube junkie. Having my left arm in a brace means my activity levels are pretty low. Where my days’ off, especially in winter when farm activities are pretty minimal anyway (outside of feeding), used to be spent watching gardening shows on YouTube (Jon Kohler’s Growing Your Greens: BBC2 Gardener’s World with Monty Don; Charles Dowding’s No-Dig Gardening), now I’m expanding. Roots and Refuge Homestead. Off Grid with Doug and Stacy. The Urban Farmer with Curtis Stone. Living Big in a Tiny House. Tiny House Living. I’ve watched videos on raising angora rabbits, angora goats, silkworms, and training border collies to herd the sheep I don’t have land enough to raise.

Yet…

In addition, Mom & I have had a lot of laughs watching Late Night with Stephen Colbert and The Daily Show with Trevor Noah. And ooh-ing and aah-ing over agility competitions where, most of the time, the border collies rock! I’ve watched interviews with old “idols”: Kevin Von Erich (pro-wrestler); Rik Emmett (frontman, Triumph); Jane Seymour. The latter happened to be a walk-through with her researching what became of two of her aunts during The Holocaust; it was actually quite interesting. And she gave a bit of advice in one interview about how her mother always taught her that when you’re down and have nothing to give, you give more. I’m paraphrasing but, in essence, her mother was big on giving back, of giving help to someone else in need. By doing so, you open the door to resolving your own problems. That one’s been taken to heart quite a bit. I’m looking for ways that I can do just that.

Lastly, I’m feeling like a kid watching MTV again. Music videos. This weekend it was some 80’s, early-90’s music that I haven’t heard in a long time: Powerstation; Platinum Blonde; Andy Taylor; Triumph; April Wine; Concrete Blonde, etc.

Of course, the nostalgia conjured up by this music does sort of feed the wallowing factor a bit. I remember my dreams back then and how I gave up on them. I have no desire to give up on the current ones. Ironically, in remembering, it also feeds my determination to hold on to the current dreams; I’m not getting any younger.

Maybe in a month’s time that first draft…well…let’s not jinx it by giving voice to it.

May God bless you & keep you!

PS I would be so grateful if you would share my Go Fund Me link with your friends, family, acquaintances and readers. https://www.gofundme.com/9fymzf-medical-leave?utm_source=internal&utm_medium=email&utm_content=campaign_link_t&utm_campaign=welcome

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One Day At A Time

“He will keep in perfect peace all those who trust in Him, whose thoughts turn often to the Lord! Trust in the Lord God always, for in the Lord Jehovah is your everlasting strength.” (Isaiah 26:3,4)

I’m holding onto these words of encouragement. As I navigate through this forced convalesce, and watch the bills pile up, and receive letters from the new mortgage company threatening foreclosure, and the bank account getting smaller, the above passage from Scripture reminds me that He really is in control…and my faith tells me He has a plan.

Even if I can’t see it.

I’ve been on the fence about whether to sell and find land/farm in another location, somewhere a little more manageable from a financial standpoint, but also more acreage, less house. The logical, human side of my brain says, if I do default, what are my chances of being able to purchase again? I need to keep up on everything to build my credit score up. Yes, I can see that dream farm somewhere in upper-state New York, or Maine. But my “day” job is in Massachusetts. Logic is saying it’s all beyond my reach. That I need to really push back, commit to staying. And trust that He’ll get me over this rapidly-growing bump in the road.

My faith says to trust in Him…regardless of the outcome. Though it all looks impossible, nothing is impossible with God. He is not bound by human rules of equity and credit scores. And, if the opposite is His will for me, then He’ll provide whatever I need to make the next mortgage payment, car payment, etc.

He’s teaching me patience…I say this while I rail and chafe against both my limited mobility–and my limited cash flow.

More importantly, He’s teaching me to truly put my trust in Him. I have too much of a grasping nature, holding on too tightly to what I have. In short, He’s teaching me to let go.

Can I do it? This one’s a tough one. I don’t like not being in control (as if!)…or at least feeling as if I’m in control.

So, I take a deep breath…

And wait…

And fret…as only I know how to do.

And keep reminding myself that, even if I can’t see the outcome at all, He’s got this. And His ways are always perfect.

May God bless you & keep you!
https://www.gofundme.com/9fymzf-medical-leave&rcid=r01-15506107597-500376eb83394fe0&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w

Deep Freeze

“‘Behold! I have given you the seed-bearing plants throughout the earth, and all the fruit trees for your food. And I’ve given all the grass and plants to the animals and birds for their food.’ Then God looked over all that He had made, and it was excellent in every way. This ended the sixth day.” (Genesis 1:29)

The United States is in the midst of record cold temperatures and I’m quoting Scripture pertaining to green things growing in the garden. At first glance, it might appear I’m longing for springtime. But, the truth is, I’m really looking for the snowstorms of my youth, the kind that dumped X number of feet of snow on us routinely throughout the winter…and lasted for weeks, not days.

Have I lost my mind? Did I break my skull last week at the same time I broke my shoulder? I mean, who longs for such conditions, right?

But, the truth is, the now-routine and milder temperatures throughout November, December, and, usually, January, followed by these arctic blasts and/or record-breaking snowstorms that melt within a few short days are proof that Gaia is crying out in pain. No more do we have what used to be a “normal” winter of such conditions. For the last several years, weather in New England has swung in these extremes. In sooth, I can’t remember the last time we had a real winter with healthy temps and snowfall, and a spring where our climate gradually warmed. Instead, our seasons are changing. And it’s pretty scary. The winter pattern mentioned above is now typically followed by raw, rainy weeks in late-April, May and June, preventing early crops, racing quickly into the opposite extreme of high heat and humidity and heat indexes over 100 degrees.

This.

Is.

NOT.

Normal.

I’m not dreaming of spring and the garden; I’m fearing we may not get one again…and what will this do to our growing season?

Yeah, it’s definitely channeling my not-so-inner environmentalist. These record colds are a direct result of climate change…and global warming. This polar vortex and the extreme snowfalls of the last few winter seasons are caused by our polar icecaps melting…and dumping that ice further south. Scientists say we can expect more of this sort of thing before those icecaps finally melt…and then we may experience desertification, even as our coastlines shrink from all that extra water having melted. These record colds and erratic snowstorms are simply weather patterns; it is the climate that’s changing. They are not the same thing (take a “walk” over to the UN’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change for more information…).

As a Christian, I am well-aware of, and have faith in, God’s promise that He will never again destroy the earth with flood. However, with so many warnings, doesn’t it make sense to use the intelligence that same God has given us to try to mitigate these changes? To make and be the change that will make all the difference in this world? We are beyond the point where we should be debating the cause of climate change. Regardless of why, change is happening. And, denier or believer, we’re all in this together. It’s only truly scary if we continue to deny it…and allow our fears to incapacitate us.

As a Christian, I have faith that we can be that change. We simply have to take that first step that He is calling us to make.

May God bless you & keep you!

Undoing the Apathy

“Then God said, ‘Let the water beneath the sky be gathered into oceans so that the dry land will emerge.’ And so it was. Then God named the dry land ‘earth,’ and the water ‘seas.’ And God was pleased. And He said, ‘Let the earth burst forth with every sort of grass and seed-bearing plant, and fruit trees with seeds inside the fruit, so that these seeds will produce the kinds of plants and fruits they came from.’ And so it was, and God was please.
This all occurred on the third day…Then God said, ‘Let the waters teem with fish and other life, and let the skies be filled with birds of every kind.’ So God created great sea creatures, and every sort of fish and every kind of bird. And God looked at them with pleasure, and blessed them all. ‘Multiply and stock the oceans,’ He told them, and to the birds He said, ‘Let your numbers increase. Fill the earth!’ That ended the fifth day. And God said, ‘Let the earth bring forth every kind of animal–cattle and reptiles and wildlife of every kind.’ And so it was. God made all sorts of wild animals and cattle and reptiles. And God was pleased with what He had done.”
(Genesis 1:9-13, 20-25)

Let’s face facts. Mother Earth is in deep trouble. And, at the risk of sounding like a naysayer, the environmentalist in me fears we may already be too late to stop the change in our present climate. Treehugger.com recently published an article about how the permafrost up near the Arctic Circle is melting–for the life of me, I can’t remember the title of the article, or what the main topic of it was, to quote it–but I’ve read similar in textbooks throughout the last few years of my life in academia:

Permafrost is permanently frozen ground that acts like an insulator, trapping moisture, heat, and trillions of tonnes of biogenic methane deep under the surface. All over the Arctic region, permafrost is starting to thaw more deeply and more widely than ever before, and although the full impact of this melting is uncertain, it is bound to accelerate the rate of climate change and radically change the nature of Arctic ecosystems (Kitchen, 2016, p.40).

And yet we’re looking for more places to drill…including the Arctic Circle.

Apathetic yet?

My faith tells me to trust in God. Though I quoted parts of the creation story in Genesis 1, there is also the reassurances God gave to Noah that He would not destroy the earth again. Fellow Christians quote this to me, and others, whenever the topic of climate change comes up.

But God isn’t destroying the earth.

Mankind is.

And Mankind, through faith, or simple determination, also has the power to change his/her habits in such a way as to affect more positive change. It’s called choice. And there are so many we can make that can lessen our impact: refusing single-use plastics, like straws and plastic cling wrap; bringing our own bags to the grocery store instead of using their plastic ones; buying organic; walking, bicycling, using public transportation, instead of driving whenever possible; working to button up our homes and businesses so less energy is used to heat/cool them; planting a tree, and/or casting our votes for people who care about our planet, and the life it currently is struggling to sustain. People will make the necessary changes to our infrastructure so that our dependency on fossil fuels decreases, instead of increasing. If each of us takes one small step every day in this direction, we may make a positive difference.

But we won’t know until we get started. Why not take that first step today? Trust me…with that first step, anything seems possible. And the apathy just melts away…instead of the permafrost.

May God bless you & keep you!

REFERENCES

Kitchen, D. (2016)_Global Climate Change: Turning Knowledge Into Action. New York, NY: Routledge

Closing the Loop

“Then the Lord planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and He placed there the man whom He had formed. Out of the ground the Lord God made various trees grow that were delightful to look at and good for food, with the tree of life in the middle of the garden and the tree of the knowledge of good and bad.” (Genesis 2:8-9)

I feel like I’m back where I belong–in an environmental science class and feeling that “fueled” feeling that grips me every time I am in such a class. Though a part of me is also feeling a little burnt out lately between school, commute and farm, and the same ol’ financial struggles, another part of me is contemplating going for my masters in environmental science…something to discuss with guidance counselors and financial advisers. It will be well worth it.

I’ve also been contemplating some changes to this blog. Nothing major, just a more stream-lined focus. I’ve been a little all over the place. What started out as just another homesteading blog, has really evolved into so much more, but it is truly a reflection of its author–it has Scatter Syndrome. Scatter Syndrome is what happens when you try to focus on too many things all at once and, consequently, accomplish little. So I’ve been sitting back and evaluating what is most important to me and where do I truly wish to focus that energy. Since my passion seems to be held with environmental issues, it seems a worthy start.

As for the passage of Scripture I opened with, we have eaten of the tree of knowledge. We should know better than the wasteful course we’ve been on. The natural world is a perfect, closed loop system. God/Source made it so that all things in nature balance. It is only when Mankind tries to manipulate nature, when we over-consume, when we add things that should not be in nature, that everything goes out of whack. And Gaia is letting us know with the increase of higher category hurricanes and tornadoes, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis and earthquakes. Yes, Mother Earth has means to right herself; these natural disasters are part of how she re-calibrates. The severity of these natural disasters should be clue enough that we’re over-taxing her beyond her limits.

The following link is to a YouTube video that was required viewing for my new class. It is definitely thought-provoking. I hope you enjoy it…may God bless you & keep you!

PS It is good to be back at the keyboard again…